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Untitled: Opus Minimus No 18

DECISIONS AND PHONECALLS MADE and it’s now a case of “hurry up and wait…” Were I rich, I’d simply hire a private ambulance and get the job done – yes, actually, for both of them – to a luxury home of my choice anywhere in… well, in the world. But no, we’re stuck with trying to get the old man close to home.

 

Assessment has actually been rather fast and decisive – especially with my guidance – and still we’re in a little limbo. Today some guy from somewhere is coming to check out one thing while tomorrow some other fella’s coming from somewhere else to look at more financial stuff… bit of a whirl, but it goes with the territory. We gotta just hang together a little longer.

 

But… 

 

I know he’s not dying anymore, yet there’s a strange thing. What if he catches another infection in hospital and goes rapidly downhill again? What if he… what if… WHAT? It’s like seeing a new parent and their child watched over by a slightly indulgent grandparent. I know myself: I saw it happen – the urgency of infancy. One minute Newborn was a potential human, then a couple of blinks and he’s off to nursery school and actually quite interesting to talk with. 

 

It’s like that in reverse. 

 

I’m not sentimental – in fact, my reluctance to be a full-on family member has been a big factor in the situation disintegrating as it did – but… I want him close now. The travelling is no longer fun, and besides, for all I know, my own particular and unique input might just be what is required for the situation. I can see the lure of denial. 

 

Mother and brother believing they could manage him at home and refusing to ‘give up’ – or even try to organise any form of proper respite before now – is exactly the same as my own wanting to try to get him here so I can have a go at getting to his mind: especially unencumbered by other people butting in all the time. What can I do? I don’t know. All I know is that there is something that goes on between me and him. 

 

One thing I do know is that it’s hard for me to get anything going on the hospital ward. I also know that everyone else seems to be patronising him just that little bit too much for my liking – especially the immediate family. 

 

Yes, I want to make a difference… but not just for him – or me. If I can find a way to get him to come back out of fantasy world, and document it, then check with professionals, maybe… 

 

Who am I kidding? 

 

I’m just another man in just another family all going through the same thing with relatives of different ages. Nothing special here. Nothing to see. Move along now, move along…

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