Bullying Thru a Mom’s Eyes
(including feedback and updates)
When my now 15 yr old daughter entered the 6th grade she became a target of a bully. She was actually a friend of the family from school and her mother and I were friendly. She started a campaign with all her friends to tell my daughter no one liked her; that she was fat, ugly and more. This bully even continued this behavior in her parent’s presence when she saw my daughter in public. The public incident was one of the first times I realized what was going on!
Every day my daughter came out of school more and more unhappy. She used to love school and now just tolerates it! This constant barrage continued and I watched my confident, happy child turn into a depressed, unhappy person who began to hate herself. I tried to talk to the mom of this bully, but we ended up in a confrontation that took us nowhere and things got worse for my daughter. I wanted to go to the school but my daughter was adamant that I not make it worse and wanted me to ignore it longer. Well my mistake!
This has continued and this bully is very popular at school. Once they entered high school this bully was a cheerleader, had many friends, who all continue this bullying, even currently. To this day this girl is still bullying my daughter and when I talk to her mom about it all she does is apologize. She does nothing to stop it! Unfortunately, her daughter is out of control and she doesn’t have any true control over her.
It has now been 3 yrs and my daughter is going into the 10th grade feeling that everyone hates her and that she isn’t likeable and she is ugly. It goes on and on! All of which are far from the truth. I honestly don’t know what to do and how do I stop this. I miss my happy sparkly confident child.
My son was bullied from the age of 3, by both kids and teachers! At age 9 he was suicidal and the school didn’t want to know - nor did the police or LEA. I pulled him out of the school and into a different one and his last year of junior school was bearable. Then it was comprehensive time but he then went to an independent school as he had to re-sit year 6. He was bullied so much he was suicidal again and looking for way to kill himself. CAMHS got involved, as did finally the LEA, who have no statements on him but he is homeschooled now and it is the best decision I’ve made. (Anonymous)
My grades 7-12 were similar to your daughter's experience. I don’t think there is anything you can do to stop this now. PLEASE offer your daughter alternatives, like distance education or another school. Also, ask her how you can help. She needs, more than anything, to know you believe her and will do whatever it takes to keep her safe. She is not safe in this situation. Also, look for clubs & activities outside of school where she can have separate friends and a place to build her confidence. It is very hard to abuse someone who knows their value. Make sure she knows her value. Rescue her now! (Anonymous)
I would ask any group like the cheerleading section if all its members who joined need to be bullies. It is what is inside that counts. This bully needs to get a life. Is this person jealous of your daughter or jealous of things she herself can’t do unless she bullies her way in? (Anonymous)
I must agree. I think when a child experiences long-term bullying, and it hasn’t been dealt with satisfactorily, that they should consider alternative education or moving schools. From what I have seen in people who I have come across in life that have been bullied, the long-term effects on their life outweighs the inconvenience of moving schools. Even if the child thinks they can put up with it, or survive it, it still has a big affect on their thinking and emotions and they will carry that through the rest of their life. No matter how positive they might try to be as adults and no matter how strong they think they are for having survived it, I still think it isn’t worth the suffering. We all have enough tests and trials through life without suffering unnecessarily. (Sonya)
When my Uncle John was born he was accidentally dropped by the midwife. This was in the days when ‘home births’ were the only option! My grandmother insisted on feeding him even though the doctor told her to just leave him to die. John was her first child and she went on to have 5 more within the next 5 years (this included one set of twins). With having a big family, all close in age, the main thing that stuck out in their minds was ‘never to get John angry’. It was very sad but having received some brain damage from the drop at birth, John grew up to be ‘very unusual’. Hence he was teased and bullied from time to time. To what extent I’m not sure as I never really heard all the details of his life. Anyway, as he was classed as a ‘unusual character’ he didn’t go into the army but proceeded to work on the railway after leaving school. He was bullied and picked on a lot at work despite being 6 feet tall and 3 feet wide! Then one day when he was in his early 20’s (maybe even late teens) the guys at work played a trick on him. As they were carrying the equipment they all planned to let go at the same time. Obviously John was oblivious to what the plan was and the strain almost killed the guy. He spent the rest of his life with a heart condition from that incident which led to other related physical problems as he got older. He likely would never have lived a ‘normal’ life but I do wonder how things could have been different for him had that incident had never occurred. (Jane)
I finally had enough and got into a huge fight with the parents of the girl who is bullying my daughter and took this last incident to the school.
My daughter was walking down the hallway and this girl, and three of her friends, walked right at her to where she would have to step off into the mud to move out of the way. She decided she wasn't moving and walked right into the girl and kept going. I’m not sure if it knocked her down but I knew it was time to do something.
I then get contacted by the parents and they say my daughter shoved their daughter. Well, I’m sorry but she didn’t shove anyone and she has been moving out of the way for 4 years and she isn’t doing that any more. Now, it can’t get physical so I went to school and reported it and explained what happened and the vice principal met with both kids. Of course the liars in the other family must have been convincing because the VP said to my daughter "...you put off bad vibes that’s why she picks on you...". Oh, so now its her fault??? Please!
Anyway, they have both signed a contract to not have ANY contact in or out of school and if any friends harass the other that is a problem too. So if any contact they are expelled from school. The good news this has all stopped now! Thanks for your advice everyone I wish I had done this years ago!
We've since been informed that her daughter completed grade 12 through a scheme where she could do her schoolwork online and still keep in contact with her school on a regular basis. She was much happier, even though the bullying had stopped, as she could start to become independent and move forward, in a sense. It made a huge difference and allowed her to explore the 'real world' and start her career. At the end of December 2016 she will be 21! She's very happy at work and everyone loves her!
If you have any questions, or are wanting to seek further advice and support, please feel free to get in touch.