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Bipolar and Me

(including Bipolar Medcation Guide)

I don’t know when it started anymore – I was finally told what I had about 4 years ago. I knew I had problems but I didn’t know they had a name for it or that it could be diagnosed. I just assumed that Manic Depression was a catch-all name for weird depressives. I didn’t realise that the mania was actual. I don’t get the mania too much, as I am mainly depressive, which is a bitch because people look at depressives differently than they do manics. Manics have some fun times. Okay, it could be part of a destructive fun time, but at least you get a laugh some of the time.

I have been manic at times… they call it “Hypomania” where you get a little bit manic but don’t spiral out of all control. My Hypomania manifests itself in my need to spend money. I have gotten myself into about £2000 worth of debt through hypomanic spending. We are paying it off now and I have my cards taken away from me when I feel the urge to spend, spend, spend. I have, to date, never thought I was god or the son of god but I have felt that I was better than everyone else and the whole world revolved around me. I see this now as totally alien concept and most of the time I am a polar opposite from that statement and I feel that the world would be far better off without me.

In my depressive times I find myself alone and needy. Every little thing is too much trouble. It’s a strain to get through a day without hanging my head and wondering what the quickest way out of this particular situation would be. Sometimes that manifests itself as a suicidal thought, sometimes it’s disappearing off the face of the planet and then sometimes it’s sitting in the corner as small as I can get listening to music to blot out whatever is going on around me. Luckily my family know the signs and can take action or just leave me to it. When that happens it can take hours or days for me to pull out of my funk, but I have yet to find a better solution.

My biggest problem though is that I suffer from persecutory psychosis. I go through phases where I think people are watching me and staring at me. It starts as a claustrophobic feeling and that the world around me is starting to crowd over me like a waterfall would drop water over you. From there it heads to the staring and people watching me and then to a depressive stage that requires the above action to be taken. This continues for as long as my head takes to get over it or however long the new drugs take to work. As this is a major problem for me, I try to get to at least speak to my Psychiatrist as soon as possible.

The worst this last thing has gotten was one night I snapped totally and ended up sat in the dark hiding from “The People” coming to get me. I was sure that they were just outside and were ready to snatch me. I completely lost it and refused to sleep until I was told that I could lock the bedroom door from the inside and no one would be able to get me. All the time I was in my bedroom i was sure that people were going to come in through the windows but I managed to sleep for about 90 minutes. I wasn’t put in hospital, I don’t know why but I wasn’t, but I think that was probably as close as I have gotten.


That’s the brief potted history of my battle with Bipolar Affective Disorder.


I do take requests for more answers and if you do have any questions feel free to ask. You can contact me at It’s Just A Ride.

Paul Hurwood


Bipolar Medication Guide

(IN THIS ARTICLE: The role of medication; Finding the right medication; Taking medication responsibly; Lithium; Anticonvulsant mood stabilizers; Antidepressant medications; Antipsychotic medications; Other medications.)

Medications and drugs for bipolar disorder treatment

Bipolar medications are most effective when used in conjunction with therapy and healthy lifestyle choices, which can affect the amount of medication required and help manage symptoms without side effects. Finding the right drug can be tricky, so it’s important to work closely with a specialist and re-evaluate your medication regularly as the optimum dose may change over time.

The role of medication in bipolar disorder treatment

If you have bipolar disorder, medication will likely be the foundation of your treatment plan. Medication can bring mania and depression under control and prevent relapse once your mood has stabilized. You may not like the idea of taking bipolar medication long-term, especially if you’re struggling with unpleasant side effects. But just as a diabetic needs to take insulin in order to stay healthy, taking medication for bipolar disorder will help you maintain a stable mood.

However, do not expect medication alone to solve all your problems. There are plenty of other steps you can take to manage your symptoms and reduce the amount of medication required. Medication is most effective when used in combination with other bipolar disorder treatments, including therapy, self-help coping strategies, and healthy lifestyle choices.

Tips for getting the most out of medication for bipolar disorder

Avoid antidepressants. The treatment for bipolar depression is different than for regular depression. In fact, antidepressants can actually make bipolar disorder worse or trigger a manic episode. Try mood stabilizers first and never take antidepressants without them, as antidepressants can trigger mania and rapid mood cycling when used on their own… read more


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